To My First Born,
Five years ago, your dad and I were married. He was on his way to Afghanistan and I just started writing my dissertation. The year your father was away all I could think of is completing our family. I replaced my normal multivitamin with an over the counter prenatal and started taking a folic acid supplement. I wanted my body to be in tip-top shape to carry our child one day. Before I knew it a year past and your dad was back home and a month later we found out that we would have you. Your father and I were so happy. We prayed for you and God answered our prayers.
I was eight weeks pregnant when paranoia started to kick. Will I be a good mom? What if I get in a car accident? What if I don’t like them? What if they don’t like me? There was a point when I didn’t feel worthy of being your mother. What did I do so great for God to answer my prayers so quickly? Then December 19th came and we were told that we were expecting a little girl. I cried not because I didn’t want you but because I knew that being a woman in this world is not the easiest. I wanted you to know that you could be anything in the world you wanted and at that moment I wanted to show you through my actions. Two weeks before I delivered you I defended my dissertation proposal. Not for your grandparents, not for your father, but for you. I wanted you to be proud of the woman your mother was and I wanted you to know that you can do anything that you put your mind to.
On this day three years ago after 13 hours of labor you made me a mom. You changed my life forever. Any fear of you not liking me or me not liking you went away as soon as heard that cry of yours. It was truly love at first sight. Though motherhood has its trying times there is no better feeling in the world. You made me a better person. I am more patient and kind because of you. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave you to your father and me.
It’s been three years and I just realized that in two years you will be going off to kindergarten. I want you to know that I always have a camera in your face to capture every moment. I remember your first smile and when you rolled over for the first time. Where you were when you took your first steps. The tears I shed the first time you said, “I love you mommy.” Thank you for all the smiles, laughs, and flowers.
There will be a time when you don’t need mommy and daddy as much. I will cherish every moment until then and even after when it’s embarrassing to you. Always know that we love you!
The moment you came into my life though not without its bumps in the road I can say that motherhood is truly my greatest accomplishment. Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.